I'm so glad I have all this free time to just be a bum at work today. Man, this new school has been keeping me busy like you wouldn't believe... so, definitely appreciating this moment to just sit down... fan myself... and do absolutely nothing with my life. I believe I'm entitled to it.
Just need to hold out a little more before I am reunited with my summer love... which, is in fact... summer itself.
Like last year... I'm in desperate need of summer vacation. However, this year... ther reasoning proves to be slightly different.
Last year... I wasn't overworked... in fact, as far as I can remember... the work situation was no problem at all. I just needed a people break and time to be alone and re-evaluate some things... more specifically my relationship with some people that really didn't deserve to be in my life. They caused me a lot of stress and negativity... so, the time was much appreciated to just be by myself and see if I could manage being by myself for a bit and not dependent on others.
Being in a foreign country, you tend to crave the social interaction of others in your position and with people that you can communicate in your own language without any thought. Not that I hated living in Japan... it's just constantly speaking in Japanese is a job in itself... so, us foreigners tend to gravitate toward each other for social interaction and as a security blanket I guess. But, as the previous entry slightly showed... I kind of don't like the type of foreigner that tend to come to Japan. So, that was what my summer vacation was for... to be by myself and see if I could do without that dependency on others. At the end of it... I had a very calming, quiet summer for the most part... and realized that I no longer was a slave to that dependent urges... I was able to be by myself without much problem... except for the occasional boredom here and there.
This year, however... is quite different. I have made a group of friends over this year that don't make me want to punch them in the face... yet, I can be by myself if need be. This summer break, I'm all about taking time to just lay down under my AC... preferably naked due to the intense heat... and not have to get up for anything unless I want to. I don't have any obligations... and I think I deserve my summer time to be a complete lazy bum.
I mean... I do have plans... just this upcoming weekend I'm heading to Taiwan with my Japanese brother and his two cousins. I also have two amazing friends from Miami coming at the end of July... and I intend on spending as much time with them as possible before I'm forced back into this school.
But, that's all stuff I want to do... it isn't work.
I have never felt so overworked... this school... oh man this school. I feel as if it's too much work for one person alone. I'm sure the feeling is only magnified by the fact that the last two years... I was at a school that had only half the workload and double the free time.
Not only that... though I've adapted to this school... there are still things that bother me about it and that just drives my patience. The kids, for one... though cute and awesome in a conversational/interactional sense... are not as motivated or excited about English as my previous students were. I mean... I have my amazing classes that make me feel like I'm not even working... like we're just playing and having a good time while conveniently learning English. Then there are the 5 or 6 classes were I'm almost to the point of giving up altogether. It really gets to me cause I'm trying to teach and be all cheerful and positive and encouraging... but, some of these kids really piss me off during class. They refuse to speak English... they have a demon child or two that distracts the whole class... they talk incessantly when I'm trying to teach to the point that the HRT (homeroom teacher) needs to constanlty interrupt me to get some order... they don't bother bringing their books or participating... other things that just piss me off.
As the weeks come... I see myself less and less motivated to teach those specific classes... and what gets to me more is that I'm losing my patience and getting closer and closer to screaming at them.
What really sucks is that Japan has this habit of piling all the rowdy, bad, demon kids in one class. So, these kids are all in the same class causing havoc... all while the kids that actually want to learn can't because these other kids are too much of a distraction. I just see them sitting in their seats... looking at me and trying to absorb anything... but, not with much success.
::sigh::
I wish Japan would learn to discipline kids better... instead of just giving up altogether and letting the bad kids do whatever they want. Add this to things that I don't agree with in Japan that I have no other choice but to accept.
All I know... is that this much needed summer break, though a blessing... is most likely going to be a factor in my future. I know that though fully refreshed after a month and a half break... I'm going to be less likely to be all motivated in teaching those bad classes and possibly have minimal patience.
It's getting to the point where I'm finally beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel that is my time here in Japan. I'm pretty sure I cannot do another year at this school... so, by the time renewing are contracts come... whether or not I want to stay another year will heavily depend on whether or not I will have to work at this school again.
I love the kids... I just don't see myself being able to handle all this workload and have to teach these problematic classes with the same optimism and happiness that I can manage now. If I have another year in this school... it will not end well. So, I want to end my time in this school on a positive... so, either move to another school... or go back home.
We'll see how things pan out and see if my opinion changes.
But, yeah... for now... look only towards the positive... summer break is less than a week away and Taiwan this upcoming weekend!!!!!
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