Up and Down... Is This How it Feels to be Bi Polar?

Saturday - UP

I had some 3 Japanese friends hang out with me. It was really fun! And, it wasn't all that awkward at all... even with the lack of properly knowing each others' languages.

They started off by talking to Gabie... since, yeah... they are like obsessed with her ever since they saw her in the pictures I had. It was an interesting conversation and they were hilarious.

We then basically went to eat at Mos Burger and then went bowling. I did awesome too! I got a strike... a turkey... and like two more strikes... it was awesome.

One then returned home... and the other two cooked some good curry for me and we just played card games, video games... and then attempted finding a scary movie we all wanted to see on Youtube... but, we failed and the two just passed out... heh heh... it was a very fun day.

One thing that was uncool though... opening the door while I was showering. Yeah... really uncool. I was a bit upset about it... but, they deeply apologized for doing so. When I asked them why... they just shrugged saying that they think it's interesting to see what I'm like down there. I think this is just a Japanese thing... I've heard of other similar stories from other foreigners being stared at while at Onsens (hot baths) and while peeing.

I also let it go since... well... I closed the door before it opened much... so, they didn't really see anything anyway.

Sunday - DOWN

Yeah... after my friends left... I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. When I woke up... my apartment had this sense of emptiness and loneliness. I tried to watch cartoons online, play with my new DS game my mom mailed me... anything that would distract me... but, I couldn't really focus on anything else but being alone and down.

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I'm thinking I'm just experiencing the second slump of being away from your home and living in a new country.

During training, they kept showing us a graph that kind of resembles a "W". Basically... the way it works out... when you first are in a new country... you experience this excitement known as like the "Honeymoon Period." Everything is good and you are just... well... happy and excited.

After a while though... you begin to get homesick and start disliking things about the country you're in. I don't really think I experienced much of this phase since I was in Japan last year. I only really had like two moments beforehand where I was thinking, "Why am I here?" But, I got over it rather quickly and within an hour or two.

After, comes another rise as you get accustomed to everything and just accept the things you disliked since you are in their country... meaning you have to go with their cultures. Things just don't bother you and you feel like you've found your niche. This is how I was before leaving to Kyoto for Winter Break. I had no complains about being alone most of the time... and managed to keep myself occuppied doing whatever I was doing.

However, after that rise... you experience another downfall that's usually lower than the first slump. I think this came about from my Winter Break. I was constantly surrounded by fun people and constantly doing things with them. Even if I was bored, I was still content with being bored with someone. After Kyoto, I then spent a week with a friend in Hanamaki... meaning I was not by myself at all for about 28 days.

That is the direct contrast of how it is now... back in Ofunato. However... I've come to the realization that I only feel down when I'm by myself in my apartment. Since I've started back with my regular work schedule... I am all happy and don't feel any negativity at all. I talk to my students... I joke around with them and join them in different activities... it's all like before. But, then the I go home and within an hour or two... I just feel empty and lonely. I've had have people at my apartment though, and these feelings disappear.

I never realized how much of a social creature I really am. I was able to overcome it at first... but, after experiencing social interactions non-stop for so long... I think I'm craving it desperately.

I'm basically going to either A) Try to make friends in Ofunato somehow... though there aren't much people around my age and there's a big language barrier, B) Try to figure out how to visit my friends in surrounding towns all over Iwate on like low cash, or C) Somehow get over it...

These are the only ways that I'll experience the last stage in the process where you are happy and content once again... the second rise of the "W" graph.

Oh well... at least I'm okay now and not feeling lonely and empty. I guess it could be due to writing about it on this blog thing. I feel that this serves as a "release"... as a means to not hide it behind "walls" that I'm so used to putting up. So, not having these thoughts/feelings inside of me... lingering around and growing... it helps.

I'm also listening to music right now... so, there are voices surrounding me.

Guess you got to make due with what you have... heh heh...