I Need To Go On A Quest...

What kind of quest you ask?

A quest to find some self-confidence... like seriously.

::sigh::

I came back from an Italian restaurant I've been curious about for a while. Since my twin be coming this Thursday... be needing to know more about what's available around good ol' Tokai.

So, I go and sit down not really expecting anything out of the ordinary to occur. This girl comes to take my order and I don't really pay attention to her much. I mean... I ordered something and she asked me something that I wasn't too sure what it was she said. So, I told her to please wait and apologized... but, she kind of just stood there. I was expecting her to leave... so, panicked about keeping her, I just said it was okay and kept my order the way it was.

So, since I actually went by myself to a restaurant... which, in itself... is something out of my comfort level (and McDonald's and fast food places don't count)... I kind of had nothing to do. I figured it'd take long since it was an Italian restaurant... so, I searched through my bookbag and found a pencil. I grabbed a napkin and began doodling, then saw my little Keroro bookbag cling-on things... and decided to just do some random sketching. I had managed to do two quick whatever sketches, when I realized the girl returned with my food (not sure if it was fast or if I just got engrossed in my sketching to realize the time that had passed). She then looked at my sketches and stated how good they were and how skillful I am (which, I just shook my head saying it wasn't anything special since A) that's the Japanese thing to do, and B) I'm realizing the Japanese people get impressed too easily... heh heh...). She asked me about the anime and I told her I liked it and she thought it was cute and giggled. She then left and I began eating my food.

It then occurred to me how cute this girl was... and, I figured we just had a connection. I mean... she's a server and usually servers don't go out of their way to make small talk like that... well, that was actually more than small talk since it wasn't forced. So, I contemplated using the two characters I drew to kind of dialogue goofily my name and phone number. It seemed like a great idea... but, I kind of chickened out of doing it. So, instead I just had a dialogue between them saying how good the food was. I should've taken a picture of it... I thought it was funny... perhaps cute even?

So, yeah... I went to go pay and left the napkin sketch/dialogue there on the table. The girl was there and as I paid she made more interested talk about whether I liked anime and I told her yeah. I told her I especially liked Keroro and it was funny and went to imitate my favorite character's voice. She reacted very impressed/interested. She then said how she liked it too and asked if I watched it in the morning. I said yes and she said something about a video and seeing it... and we laughed. She then gave me my change and told me to return... well, more like... please please come back.

So, what do I do? Shyly smile and say okay... and walk away... going past the exit and then realzing and walking back to the door and leaving shyly...

::sigh::

Thus... I need to work on this self-confidence deal.

I mean... I do give myself some props on big steps I took... but, that's just not enough. And, it's bad if I'm beginning to realize and get annoyed by my actions in situations like this.

But, yeah... I do admit... at least I actually noticed some kind of an interest there. Usually I'm oblivious to any girl's interest in me. And also, though it wasn't much... and though I should've proceeded with my original plan of actually giving her my name and phone number... doing something period is more than I usually do.

So, yeah... it is some baby steps in the right direction.

And, I do have more working against me now. I mean... I am not that confident in my Japanese to try something like attempt a date or hangout of some kind. But, I did kind of have a self-fight in my head about not really having anything to lose. I mean, what's the worse that could happen... she doesn't see me again. Okay... big whoop. Me not doing anything means she doesn't see me period.

So, yeah... it's good that I'm annoyed by myself. Maybe that will be the necessary process for me to go beyond baby steps and, if not take a leap of faith, at least take a normal step in the right direction.

We'll see what comes from this. Especially since my twin be coming. He could be my wingman to give me that extra little bit of confidence to actually leave my number next time. I will return to that restaurant... and will doodle again... this time though... I'll leave my information and see what comes from it.

がんばる!!!!! (ganbaru!!!!!... which basically means like I'll try/wish self-luck... it makes sense in Japanese).