In my bubble... I like it in here.
Everything seems so stressful at this moment... and I'm trying everything possible to keep myself focused, cool and collected.
I just keep in my bubble... cause that's what keeps me level-headed.
There are times when my bubble pops... and all the outside stressors come rushing in and try to overwhelm me. But, I try to keep calm, and blow my bubble up again.
I almost broke down earlier today. It seems that at this point... the most random of things threaten to bring me down.
I woke up and decided immediately... it's time to go out and look for supplies... food... drinks... whatever might be handy.
I was biking along when I was passing this family that was walking along... a woman and a man... with their daughter biking right behind them. I moved to the side to give them room... when the little girl cycled straight in my direction. I only had a split second to hit the brakes and try to maneuver out of the way... but, we still collided and my bike's back tire lifted a bit and I tumbled to the side. I tried everything in my power to avoid hurting the girl. In fact... I think I actually got hurt more than her... but, important thing was that we were both safe.
I then cycled on... and... that's when I realized... my bubble was popped. All these things came to mind and I found it hard to focus on my surroundings and I became overwhelmed.
The earthquake... the tsunami... the blackout... the loss of water... the pictures... the videos... the disaster up north... the news... people's interpretations of the news... people's opinions... people telling me what I should do... people telling me what I shouldn't do... the aftershocks... still no water... haven't had a shower since Friday morning... want to be able to flush my toilet... another big earthquake might be in the horizon... with that earthquake, maybe another tsunami... the power plant... radiation... it's going to rain in a bit... the water's most likely going to be contaminated...
Thought after thought after thought after thought...
I just tuned in to my music... and somehow... it all went away.
I recovered... my bubble was protecting me from everything once again.
I am so thankful that music has such a power over me...
... actually... not just music... I'm trying anything I can to focus on not focusing... if that makes sense. All I hear... all I see... is a reminder of Friday's earthquake. I don't want to remember... I don't want to forget either... but, I just don't want to think about it... at least for right now.
I need to keep myself focused on other things... like music... video games... tv shows from back home... anything I can to keep calm.
Even talking to friends who are worried can be a bit much... I'm sorry... but, it's the truth. I just need to lock myself up in my bubble and remain calm.
I hope people don't take this the wrong way... I'm not saying to stop talking to me... I truly appreciate and am grateful that so many people are worried about me... thinking of me... praying and hoping the best for me...
Please continue... don't feel like you need to leave me alone. I need that sense of connection to society.
I just need to worry about when I need to pull away from it and just keep to myself.
Oh well... just wanted to get this all out. Not exactly a talk about the tragic events that took place on Friday... but, I will get to that eventually... just not right now.
I'm good... I'm back in my bubble... I like it in here.
3 comments:
I can appreciate what you are saying, because if I were in your shoes, I'd probably be saying the same. Stay in your happy place and keep your composure, even if that means distancing yourself a little from everyone's concern. I don't think anyone will think badly of you for having to do that to in order to keep your sanity. Love you and next time I Kik you at the potty, you better answer! ;)
<3 Cupcake :)
No one can force you to move on with something before you're ready and trust me, I know how aggravating it is to be pushed to deal with something you don't feel ready to do. When the time does come for you to kinda absorb the whole impact of this, you know you have your family and friends to turn to. I'm one of them. <3
I'm Bob's mum, I found your blog in the gap, between you and Bob leaving Tokyo and hearing from him in Ofunato (lack of internet). I read your amusing account of your journey and arrival. Today I thought I would look in to see how you are. We have just been through the worst days of our life. We only found out Bob was safe on Monday and spoke to him yesterday.
Take care and keep strong and thank you for those early days of yours and Bob's in Japan
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