The Psychology Of It

I spent all of my college years learning about psychology... it was my major after all. Not only did I get influenced with psychology during school, but my first two jobs revolved around psychology. So, with that much psychological influence, it only makes sense that my way of thinking, the way I tend to analyze most, if not all, aspects of my life, are based on some psychological reasoning.

Then, I come to Japan. A country that doesn't seem to really embrace psychology. For one thing, people don't exactly study psychology in Japan. Well, I should rephrase that... obviously there are psychologists/psychiatrists here in Japan... so, they have to have studied psychology... but, for the most part, when I talk about my psychology background... most Japanese people seem to be amazed. I go on to ask why that is... and they just think it's interesting since people don't really major in psychology in Japan. It could be a language miscommunication... maybe I misunderstood, but, I think they mostly say that there might be a few courses available in universities... but, for the most part, if someone is interested in psychology in Japan, they'll self-study and read about it.

With that knowledge now... you can probably understand how sometimes I'm so opposed to the things or the way they want me to teach or go about doing things. It breaks a piece of my soul when they ask me to do something that I wouldn't do otherwise. I mean, psychology is an essence of who I am... and therefore... it is part of my soul... my spirit.

This mostly takes place with the 1st and 2nd grade teachers who think I should give out more stickers to the children just so they don't become sad.

Well, first of all... I buy these stickers with my own money. So, not even diving into the psychological aspect of it... I'm not going to be wasting money just to keep kids from having a tantrum because they didn't get a sticker or becoming sad. Especially... when the kids that make the biggest tantrum are the kids that actually deserve to be disciplined/punished.

"Hey, good job today! Here's a sticker... you were great at running around the classroom, being loud and obnoxious and distracting... and hey, you punched me in the groin! Here's two stickers for that!!!!!"

People always say that psychology is common sense... and that actually pisses me off because, well... if it's so common sense... they why can't people actually see that me giving a reward to a kid for misbehaving or to simply keep them from having a tantrum is going to encourage them to continue behaving that way.

People need to realize that you don't have to be a genius to realize that everytime someone begins crying and screaming about not getting something you want, somebody will eventually come along and give them what they want just to calm them down. If anything... it actually becomes a vicious cycle where both parties are reinforcing their negative actions... the kid will be rewarded with getting what they want... and the rewarder will also get rewarded by ending the behavior of the child.

So, yeah... I don't want to reward kids for not participating in my English class... I want to reward the kids that try and participate. If the other kids are sad about not getting stickers... well, solution - participate.

Another aspect about giving too many rewards is that the reward itself becomes meaningless. The stickers will lose their value and kids will not be excited about the reward. Without excitement, well... then there is no need to provide the action to get rewarded. I obviously want my kids to be interested and I guess invested in my English classes. So, yeah... I don't want my stickers to lose their value.

Not only that... but, I remember learning in a psychology course that kids shouldn't get much rewards for doing stuff they like to do. My students, overall, tend to like my English classes. But, the problem with providing too much rewards with things they like, (this includes hobbies) is that the child will begin feeling like it's something they are obligated to do as opposed to something they like to do. We all remember being kids... our need to disobey authorities.

I don't know why... but, it's pretty natural for us to feel that way when we're kids. I remember, for example, how my main chore on the weekend was to clean the bathroom. I hated cleaning the bathroom, but, I knew that as soon as I finished that... I was basically set and free to do whatever I wanted. So, sometimes, I would wake up early and actually be eager to clean the bathroom just to be done with it. I would begin cleaning even before my mom woke up and be well on my way to finishing. Then, my mom would wake up and see me and say, "Victor... clean the bathroom." Even though I had already started... and sometimes even be near finishing... the fact that she told me to clean the bathroom made me not want to do it anymore. So, this need to disobey just overwhelmed all common sense that I was almost done... and I'd just stop or be very lazy.

I'm sure others have similar experiences where they felt the need to disobey their parents simply because they were told something.

Anyway... moving on... point is... I don't want to make the kids actually interested in English to feel like learning it is forced upon them. I mean... sometimes it is... but, still... I don't want them to realize that... heh heh...

Lastly, and the main reason for me even talking about this random post is because there was a special needs student today that began crying because she had no stickers. I feel that with special needs students, it's even more important to be strict with reinforcements and rewards.

It broke my heart that she was crying because she didn't get a sticker today... but, I just couldn't get myself to give her a sticker. If I would've given her a sticker at that point, she would've definitely began realizing that she could just cry to get what she wants in later situations. Not only that... but, it's not fair to the other kids who didn't get a sticker either. I know how kids will talk and say how so and so got a sticker and then they'd all be asking for a sticker... and, it sucks, but I had to play bad cop in that situation. I said sorry to the teacher... and just stood there until it was an appropriate moment to walk away.

I wish I had the language to be able to at least communicate and explain why I am the way I am or do the things I do... at least when it comes to this psychological perspective. Instead... I'm stuck just looking like a mean dude or being too strict. And I know the teachers talk about it... but, I guess I have to deal just like they have to deal with the fact that I won't be changing in the way I see things.

... that's the psychology of it.

This is kind of a random blog... me just blurting out different things that have been on my mind... maybe it was my way of explaining it... even if it's not directed to anybody in particular... just to get it off my chest.

... that, and I've been lacking in blogs recently... so, felt the need to write something... anything...